I decided to do this message in English to say how much I love languages and learning it. I like reading books watchings series and movies and speaking. Well not really in Dutch because I don't speak very well. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm fond of it. It's my whole world. And now, I feel everything is collapsing. I hate that feeling. Sometimes I feel nearly fine and other times I just want to disapear under the next train I have to take to school. It's awful. Actually, I feel everything is awful right now. But I don't know what to do. My grandmother, my dad, my mom and even my brother want me to continue but it's hard, so hard. Only the idea makes my stomach aches and makes me cry. 

What is so hard, then. Well that's speaking in Dutch and teaching languages to kids without knowing if the do like me.  I like working alone because I don't believe in others. I had a bad experience at primary school and it's like a scar in my chest.

So the question I've been asking me since Christmas is "are you sure you want to continue like this because I think your heart is telling you, you can't and it is making you sick! "